This Theme Makes Me Mad

For those visiting my site the past week, I apologize. I’m having theme issues. I thought I liked the gray, two-columned theme I had up for three days, but that was then and three days later I hate it.

God, it looks so bad.

This is the moment where I wish I was technologically savvy enough to design my own theme and be down with it, but that would probably require some deadly dull reading and I simply haven’t the time for that.

Hold tight for some re-adjustments of my space. You understand right? I want this mutherfucker lookin’ fine.

So while I’m tinkering with images and widgets, feel free to vocalize the format you liked best, for I will consider the aesthetic taste of my readers.

And I have a hot chocolate recipe.

Epically Wonderful Cocoa

1 Bar of dark, organic chocolate (72% cocoa is preferred). (Yes, it must be organic. Don’t be pulling that Hersey’s shit.)

3 cups of milk (skim is fine, but why go light with cocoa?)

2 tablespoons of honey

pinch of nutmeg

pinch of cinnamon

So this is really easy. Just melt the chocolate with the honey over a medium high burner. (Make sure to put the chocolate and honey in a pan.) Once the chocolate is melted, pour in your milk and stir until it is foamy and hot. This takes about three to five minutes. Add the spices at the last, than pour it into your favorite mug and give the rest to your favorite person.

Recipe makes two servings.

All is amazing. Seriously, try it out. I’ll be patenting it soon.

Food of the Gods

This needs to be discussed.

Christians everywhere are bristling at the idea of Cosimo Cavaliaro’s newest work of art. You may too, I don’t know. Personally, carving Jesus out of chocolate is the best thing that you can carve him out of if you want to portray the extent of his divinity. Mind, this is coming from a person who worships dark chocolate whether or not it is in the shape of Jesus or Billy Joel. One who stores her precious, gourmet cocoa bars in the fridge like holy water and takes a small piece religiously just before bed, closing her eyes and going on a spiritual mission with every sense that she possesses.

I understand that there are people who don’t feel about chocolate that way. However, I still think that the controversy doesn’t make sense in today’s conservative world. I don’t mean to make light of a serious religious subject (though God knows I would love to), but conservative America has been eating chocolate Jesuses for decades during the holiday seasons. You can buy the entire fucking nativity set in milk chocolate off Amazon.com. His likeness has been wrought upon cookies, JELL-O molds and other various articles of consumption longer than Mr. Cavallaro has been alive.

Reading further into this article, courtesy reuters.com, Cavallaro’s prosecutors voiced another concern:

“They would never dare do something similar with a chocolate statue of the prophet Mohammad naked with his genitals exposed during Ramadan,”

And:

“It’s an all-out war on Christianity. They wouldn’t show a depiction of Martin Luther King Jr. with genitals exposed on Martin Luther King Day…”

And:

Unlike the typical religious portrayal of Christ, the Cavallaro creation does not include a loincloth.

And:

“He’s not wearing any clothes at all,” said Debbie Charan, 40. “Why would they want to do something like that?”

What a relief. This isn’t about chocolate at all. This is about nudity, because obviously, when Christ was crucified, he was wearing a loin cloth, despite the scarcity of that manner of underwear in 30 A.D.

I understand why this makes people uncomfortable. Western society keeps our bodies under wraps, and when they’re not under wraps, they are very ugly. Like the layouts of neon, eighties-type for pornographic headlines. It makes me wish that there was less fear of pleasure and a bigger fear of violence. The Catholic church didn’t have a negative response to Passion of the Christ. Christians were the movie’s largest audience, with seven-year-old children in bows and white shoes, attending the theater as if they were going to church. (This article in Entertainment Weekly by King particularly struck me. I never saw the movie myself.) Why can we watch Christ being whipped with barbed wire but not without a cloth draped around his hips?

The argument for suffering through such a movie runs along the lines of: “He was mutilated for us. The best I can do is watch him being mutilated.” The nightmares that follow would more than redeem your soul and guarantee passage to heaven. Besides, the scourging scene shows us all how it was.

The latter argument, interestingly enough, applies to crucifixion in the nude as well, but every God-fearing soul would rather watch Christ’s flesh fester with poisoned blood than observe that perfect, anatomically correct body. For all the praise given to God over giving us bodies, you would think the best we could do is embrace its image. Even if it does bring pleasure.

I am disappointed Cavallaro’s sculpture has been rejected. It speaks poignantly on many different levels: admonishing to the commercialism that has taken over the Easter Holidays (Cavallaro stated that the timing of the exhibit was purely coincidental, but displaying “My Sweet Lord” right next to Good Friday is nothing less than a stroke of genius). Also, I was very much looking forward to paying homage to the sculpture by kissing his feet.

Since the display has been cancelled, I would advise checking out his website, where you can view all of his art (including cheese-covered living rooms!) and pillow torture. Though I admit, “Burning Piano” was hard for me to watch.