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Being the logical person that I am, I never took to astrology, though I managed to find myself in the arms of many a man who took it as seriously as the weather report. Out of my oft-lauded tolerance, I listened to **** explain to me in great depth what my sign entailed and what I (unbeknownst to me!) want out of life. Thanks to his lessons, I now have a general idea what this whole “Leo” thing is about, though this new knowledge did little to convince me of astrology’s legitimacy, thus negating the knowledge.
But lately I have met a barage of patrons who insist upon knowing me by nothing else, as if knowing my birthday is the key to KNOWING ALL. I have grown used to the question and have refrained from lying because fucking with people’s minds is just wrong on general principal, but today, I discovered that the birthday is not the only indicator of astrological signature.
He approached the counter, looked at my face, started, then said something to the effect of, “Your eyes! Virgo?”
Which left me with the new found fear that astrological fanatics more observant than he have the ability to deduce my sign without even knowing my birthday. While I was wondering what the fuck my eyes had to do with Virgo, I answered, “No. Do you… want some coffee? Tea?”
“You’re not a Virgo?”
“No.”
“That’s funny.”
We stared at each other in silence. I was searching his face for some insight into his prescription. The audacity it takes to inform a total stranger of their personality traits and personal quirks. To stab at the dark by the light of someone else’s eyes.
As if on cue, a co-worker flipping through a magazine walked in and asked me loudly, “You’re a Leo right? Do you want to hear your destiny?”
“Actually, apparently I’m a Virgo.”
The man across the counter squinted at my eyes as if there was something he had missed, and I wanted to tell him that far from my time of birth, he had missed a lot of things.
Most easily compared to the thiestic 10 commandments. Except these make sense. A common arguement against my dis-belief in the supernatural sounds something like this:
“If you don’t believe in God, how can you be moral? How do you determine what is right and wrong?”
It should be noted here that Christians have more or less picked and ignored the moral teachings that the Bible holds. Keeping the Sabbath holy? Sure, I mean if I can. It’s actually pretty hard to do that in the real world. Not taking the Lord’s name in vain? An exception should be made for painful toe-stubs and bad calls made by the referee… otherwise I’m screwed. Giving my money to the poor in order to get to heaven? Hahaha… Jesus was such a joker. Come on, guys, he was totally kidding about spreading the wealth.
Point being, if we’re going to be picking and choosing morals, why don’t we take out the middle man (i.e. God) and focus on an ethical creed that is developed with rational observation and reasoning?
So what have I come up with?
Janet’s Moral Canon
- Education and learning is the scope whereby we can see the larger picture and the entire spectrum of reality. Never stop questioning. Never stop learning.
- Human dignity should never be challenged or exploited. Pawning the lives of men and women in times of war should never be tolerated. Treat one another with respect and compassion. Promote equality for all. All.
- Relay the truth. Lies and secrecy destroy democracy and hinder education. (See Moral Canon number 1.)
- Use the earth’s resources with foresight. Conserve what you can and actively campaign for renewable and sustainable power.
- Love myself. Try to improve upon every aspect of myself, but never cease to love.
- Tolerate opinions and belief that differ from my own, as long as they do not challenge the human dignity of others or promote the needless suffering of animals. Embrace art in all its powerful reflections of expression.
- Do not eat animals.
- Chocolate however, is to be consumed with praise.
- Do not believe in anything that violates the natural world without sound evidence. In which case, it would not violate the natural world.
- Taking what you have not earned devalues yourself and also breaks Moral Canon number 2.
The wonderful thing about a canon vs. a commandment is that it is not absolutist. If I am ill, chocolate need not be consumed with praise. If I’m facing the choice between starving to death or stealing an apple, I won’t have to fear that the more intelligent decision will send me to hell.
Any tack-ons? Earmarks? Canons of your own?
Here’s to a more ethical universe. Peace.
I stumbled out of my bedroom at 10:07 this morning and didn’t get around to breakfast until 10:40. My roommate had saved some waffles for me. Though I love him, the waffles weren’t very good at all and that’s how my day began.
I’ve been thinking about what I could write that might interest you. Than I realized that I was going about my blog the wrong way, which may explain the sporadic posting as of late. (i.e., the last year or so) When I originally started “A Novel, As it Happens,” that was never the question. What interested me? I wrote about that.
I normally do not get politically heavy-handed on this blog because my normal interests lie in second-hand bookstores and the ridiculously handsome professor teaching Sociolinguistics. However, this race is starting to get hot. So hot, I must discuss.
In This Post, Janet Explains Point-by-Point
Why She Is Voting For Sen. Barack Obama
Education
This is my #1 issue. An ignorant nation makes stupid decisions, and we are growing increasingly ignorant. Education is usually the first thing to go when money is getting tighter. As I write this, the administration of my university is debating on the survival of the fine art’s program if they cut the marching band. They are debating how many part-time teachers they can cut. They stopped offering complimentary tutoring as of this year and now money-strapped college students are looking at a bill of $75 weekly if they need help outside of class.
(Needless to say, the tutoring center is practically empty this year.)
I’ve experienced cuts in my education since I started formal education. 1st grade: Art program cut. 3rd grade: music program cut. 7th grade: Drama program cut and French teacher fired. He was not replaced. Teachers were expected to teach more classes on the same pitiful salary. Comprehensive science program non-existent. “Computer class” was taught by an older woman who had to ask her students for help.
To put it bluntly, many aspects of my K-12 experience was pretty pathetic. The only way I was able to get somewhat proficient with French was due to several on-line classes. There was only one physics class offered yearly, and most schedules couldn’t work around it (including mine). AND (get this) our school is considered one of the best schools in the state.
In which case, I was one of the lucky ones.
It isn’t a secret that our math and science sector is terribly out-dated. Students reading in public schools have declined sharply and has directly effected American literacy. According to an English teacher from my high school, (we went swimming together every morning over the summer, along with a former librarian, a drama coach and the town’s only freelance artist. We talked about the national state of education quite frequently.) who went to several seminars in Las Vegas that were chalk-full of statistics, the average eleven-year-old has 10,000 less words in their vernacular than the same age group had ten years ago. Even if that statistic was blown way out of proportion, even if she doubled that figure, that’s 5,000 words that every student in America has missed. (And in all honesty, I do not think that 10,000 words is far from the mark.)
I have not heard McCain talk in detail about education once. It was not brought up at the Republican convention. He does not visit as many college campuses as Obama has, and perhaps he does not feel the need to. So I went over to JohnMcCain.com to compare his education plan with Obama’s education plan.
Can you spell vague with a capital “V”? Obama is not only more thorough in what he would like to see at each level of educational development, he is also more specific regarding teachers themselves and the respect they deserve. He has thought all of this out and is prepared to invest in knowledge.
At the last presidential debate, Sen. McCain made fun of Obama’s vote regarding a “projector.” That “projector” was actually a Sky Theater at the Alder Planetarium. What, would McCain rather we spent our money on guns? Why is it funny that Obama would like our children to see and learn about our universe, particularly in an area where most of the constellations are not visible?
The only thing I would like to add to Obama’s plan would be to implement an early second-language education program. It makes much more sense to start learning another language at a younger age when the mind receives it easily rather than trying to force our jaded minds to learn Japanese in high school and college. That said, I can see a Democratic president proposing this much easier than I can a Republican one, if only because to many Republicans, patriotism means loving English to the point of alienation and ignorance.
I Dream In Solar Panels
There is a reason that the Sierra Club is endorsing Obama. As Well as Friends of the Earth, League of Conservation Voters, Green Jersey, and just about every environmentally concerned group in America and beyond. He gives a shit.
Thomas Friedman (a wonderful international correspondent for the New York Times) recently wrote a book entitled Hot, Flat and Crowded: Why We Need a Green Revolution — And How it Can Renew America. He gives half of the book explaining why we need to go green and the other half throwing around some radical-awesome ideas on how we can do so. It involves regulatory laws that increases demand for solar and wind energy. It involves a comprehensive master-plane from the national Energy Commission (i.e.- implementing a more efficient power-grid, requiring new buildings to have a net-energy zero plan… just read the fucking book.) POINT BEING that America is really lagging behind on the whole renewable energy thing. Europe didn’t just magically get green because they thought smart cars were cute, lawmakers realized it was imperative to their economy and security to regulate the energy market to favor clean energy. Gas isn’t expensive over there because OPEC likes them less (, but because the gas is taxed. And what happened? Denmark’s economy has improved and technological advanced in solar energy has put millions of college graduates to work. They are exporting energy!
I realize that regulations are never popular. But we can no longer just close our eyes and drill and pretend we can keep up with other countries. We aren’t. Think of the solar panel as the computer. When the computer first came out, it was ugly and large and expensive. Since the seventies the computer has become a beautiful inexpensive machine. If we put the same enthusiasm in solar energy, amazing things are ahead. This is not just a proposal that will influence how we power our homes, but how intelligently we design our buildings and our cities. How competitive we are technologically. How able we are to assist Third World Countries. How sustainable and respected we are. This is an issue of ethics and aesthetics.
Barack Obama promises strategic investment in green technology. He has a much more aggressive cap-and-trade program than McCain has proposed. He is a forward-thinking man who understands that the up-and-coming generation is enthusiastic about generating renewable power. He is open-minded and willing to talk with other nations about our environmental impact and progress.
Transparency
Direct from his site:
“Open Up Government to its Citizens: The Bush Administration has been one of the most secretive, closed administrations in American history. Our nation’s progress has been stifled by a system corrupted by millions of lobbying dollars contributed to political campaigns, the revolving door between government and industry, and privileged access to inside information-all of which have led to policies that favor the few against the public interest. An Obama presidency will use cutting-edge technologies to reverse this dynamic, creating a new level of transparency, accountability and participation for America’s citizens.”
McCain does not include, on his site or any of his speeches, any semblance of a transparency act.
Bureaucratic secrecy pisses me off. I don’t believe I’ve ranted about the 9/11 Commission here, but I’ll say that lack of third-party involvement, any mention of the third tower, and shoddy explanation for the Pentagon FREAKS ME OUT. I won’t get all conspiracy-theorist on you since jumping to conclusions is often dangerous, but it leaves me with questions. Questions that my government should have answered.
Choice
McCain would like to overturn Roe v. Wade and set women back another fifty years. And then ignore legislation that would enable a woman to prevent unwanted pregnancies.
And, um, Sarah Palin would like Caucasian Jesus to sit in our vaginas even if the fetus inside is thanks to a night of hot, hot rape or incest.
I would like to see a world that starts caring more about the children WHO ARE HERE than about punishing a woman for not abiding by traditional Christian standards on sex. I would like to see the United States giving more funding to preventive measures to empower her rather than take away her voice in the matter and render her powerless.
Republicans like to hold up the banner of adoption as the best solution, but let me shed some light on the issues with this solution.
a) It still requires a woman, frequently not fully developed, to bear a child. Pregnancy is a big deal. It is very, very stressful on your body. After bearing a child the body is never same again. And the younger the mother, the more complications arise that could harm her. Sure, that’s ethical. Force a fifteen-year-old girl to have a baby. What could possibly happen?
b) Parents adopting screen the birth mother, or rather, the adoptive agency screens the birth mother. If that mother in question is addicted to a toxic substance of any kind, that child will not be adopted. That damaged child will be born either to remain with the mother struggling with addiction or with a foster home, where juvenile crime runs rampant.
Obama not only promises to uphold a woman’s right to chose, but he supports a sex education program that actually informs and protects teenagers so that unwanted pregnancies are less frequent. Which, again, ties to my #1 issue. Teach the students, don’t preach to them dammit.
Are These All the Reasons?
No. I could also say that Obama is an inspiring public figure with a wonderful wife. I might point out that to the rest of the world, THE CHOICE IS FUCKING OBVIOUS. I could say that Obama graduated Harvard Law president of the Harvard Law Review and McCain graduated the United States Navel Academy 894th of 899.
I could go on and on.
But I would rather you get off your ass* and get out the vote.
*All in love.
In the course of human existence, we experience an evolution of “the good time.” When we were young, the party scene was very simple: cake, balloons, and a hose. The birthday party was still a novelty, and no matter what it involved, it was amazing. A favorite activity of the parents was often a scavenger hunt, which never got old, even when they required grasshoppers and old pieces of chewed gum. (Some of those parents were fairly sadistic, but you must know that trailer-trash parties are the coolest things when you’re seven.) In high school, we hated the idea of having a party set like a page in a Franklin Covey planner, and told the parents to butt out of it while we played strip poker and pretended to get drunk on the one case of beer we managed to smuggle in the basement.
I don’t think that, really, anyone liked high school parties. We said they were fun, but we really hated them. Appearance was everything. I’d rather wished that someone would jump up from the stoned stupor and suggest “Let’s play twister and innocently run up and down the block after the ice cream truck and get out my old water guns!”
Now, parties are no longer a novelty. The cake and alcohol combo is a frequent rut, as an attempt to take from the best of our childhood and teenage experiences. To escape the rut, adult parties have embraced themes, as a way to temporarily remove us from reality and partake in a sort of make-believe. They range from the lewdness of “Playboy Mansion” to the chivalry of “The Knights of the Round Table.”
How fucking awesome would it be to attend “The Knights of the Round Table”?
For the past three years or so, I’ve been hording theme party ideas. Now, in their fine-tuned pre-production stage, I present you with my favorites.
The Future of Aviation
This was largely inspired by Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. The idea is to modernize the classics that come to mind when you think of “Aviation.” The goggles and scarf and knee-high boots bit… worn to walk the runways in 3010. Sexy yet historical. And the drinks to go with this one are endless. GQ (yes, I pick up GQ once is awhile. The articles are more relevant to today’s world than Cosmo and b) every now and then they have some pretty amazing cocktail recipes. So suck it.) even posted a recipe entitled “Aviation:”
1 1/2 ounce dry gin 1/2 ounce lemon juice 1/2 ounce creme de violette 1 teaspoon maraschino liqueur Shake with ice. Strain into a cocktail glass and garnish with a maraschino cherry.Music? The playlist will include Ratatat, Architecture in Helsinki, and Blond Redhead.
The party would be more than complete with a glider and a cliff in the backyard, but that might have to remain but a fantasy.
The Polaroid Picture Party
Also known hereafter as the PPP. Several weeks before this I will be on the hunt for some old-school Polaroid cameras (Is “old-school” and “Polaroid camera” a redundant phrase?) on Ebay and some various pawn shops around town. When my guests start to arrive, I’ll start handing out the cameras at random, for here is the catch: everyone has to “pay” for each drink with a polaroid picture.
I’ll try to keep the drinks classic and creamy (LIKE YOUR MAMA USED TO MAKE) with that nostalgic butterscotch sweetness. The PPP is undoubtedly a winter-type party, just so I can serve things like eggnog and the recipe following:
2 oz butterscotch schnapps
8 oz hot chocolate
1 1/2 oz whipped cream
I’ll upload the best of the Mamas and the Papas and Simon and Garfunkel and perhaps a little bit of Journey. “Street lights! Peeeople ahaahaaaa!”
Besides simply being a kick-ass party, this particular theme has the potential to be the best art project of the century. I’ll have more polaroids after the fact then I’ll know what to do with.
The Gypsy Caravan Party
Tarot cards? Check. Creepy local with large fire? Check. Chocolate gold coins and palm-reading guides? Check and check. To date, this idea is my favorite. It’s essentially a themed camp-out that has ultimate freak-out potential. Everyone would be dressed as mid-century bohemian as they can with plenty of eyeliner and mascara. (Jesus, I’m getting excited just writing this down). I ask: what can top a mountain-high séance?
Drinks for this would be kept relatively simple. I’m thinking plenty of wine and whiskey and absinthe. Music will be provided by my musically-inclined friends who have their guitars attached to their hips and Yann Tiersen blasting from my car speakers. Dancing like a weirdo is encouraged. In fact, dancing with fire is encouraged.
……
Funnily enough, I ran into a friend of mine at Starbucks today, and the conversation eventually rolled around to theme parties. She said, “I was thinking of doing a pirate ship theme for halloween” and I said, “Girl, that’s been done SO many times.”
In all seriousness, do you (YOU) have a party you’d like to host? I promise I won’t make fun.
