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A stem grows to hold the cherry one day
The cherry grows the natural follower and the first comer breaks
Both fall, fall the mother and the child
The grass catches the bruises and the tears from the night
Dewy and new pink eyes search desperately for sunrise
Shoot the sky on your back
The kaleidoscope sky clicks the stars into place
The gears in my mind will take forever to see the present
I remember what you said I remember what you said before you said it
Has happened before the stars and the dew curling stems
The growing the present growing making a dent in rational dissonance
How gentle the drug I have so far to fall
Falls the child cherry blossom pink eye-lidded fawn
Mother you’ll discover before I’ve time to recover
Dammit! You’ll cry!
No, no I’ll lie.
Simply lie here while the stars shift heaven around
Fingers white with moonlight caress the heartbeat of the ground
Let me love you both. Let me run from and be the hunter of all I learned before
I shake my bough I shake it hard I write your lessons from my bones
And when I fall mother stem
Know I eventually return to you
A tree of my own.
[I wrote these for a series to appear in a poetry book to be published in the near future. Details on this book's availability will be revealed once I know what to tell you.]
1. Crossing 50th and 3rd on October 15th 2006. Suddenly incandescently happy.
2. The rocks at the bottom of the pool sparkle gold at sunrise. The muscles of his back capture the groves of the sun. The temperature of the water doesn’t even matter.
3. My true love in unconsciously heartless. I cannot sit still- I cannot sleep. I move only in restless hate.
4. The pulsing power of costly, foreign horsepower roars beneath me. The man driving smiles and moves closer. I am unmoved.
5. This is the scene: Shelby’s diabetic attack. I am Shelby; the audience nonchalant while I shake uncontrollably and spill orange juice on the stage floor.
6. “I feel like this has happened before.” “It has,” he said. “And it will again.”
7. Honolulu is wet with rain. Three of us walk to the water and watch the moon rise and sailors flood the shore.
8. The stretch of salt flats on the way home is a foggy wasteland. I told him “I’m not tired at all.” I drive through the fog and he sleeps on my shoulder.
9. Dancing alone on a dusty green carpet to a tremulous violin. I am caught – I am high – the leap! The fall… searing pain through my ankle while the music soars on without me.
10. I have a window seat this time. Too much of my young life has been spent on planes. The chassis shakes as we leave the runway and I think, “Here we go again.”
11. At 2 a.m. I get off work. My black pencil skirt wrinkled; my heels flaming torture. The new bartender follows me home. He kisses me by surprise. I let him.
12. Oh! I is such a relief to cry. The wound in my heretofore guarded core rake me with guilt. I cry and cry as I never have before.
13. While walking home one night after school, I realized I don’t believe in god. The stars were bright and everything was clear.
14. We fuck as if we choreographed this before; all passion perfectly synchronized. But his mind remains a mystery to me.
15. My heart is racing; body starving; no desire for food – feeling pitifully beautiful. Now I understand.
16. Lingering around Greenwich village, I cling to the people migrating from lounge to lounge. All of us are homeless. Our facade: designer dresses and lips red with wine.
17. A hallway filled with lights. A small finger – mine – points overheard. The shoulders carrying me are strong. This is my first memory.
18. Cigarettes and coffee – the two of us laughing. “Before this,” he said, “When I was ten they brought you home from the hospital. I held you first.”
19. Sleeping still into the afternoon, I guiltily burrow deeper drifting in and out of dreams until the sun sets.
20. This death is different. This death unexpected; initiated by unfathomable pain. I hold his hand through the funeral, staring ahead. I only see fire.
His voice had remained dormant and hidden while I stood at the shore breathing.
Long had the ripples of his lashes disappeared under the crisp sky and pleasant mountain air.
Under the neon moon and plosive snow clouds it grappled my ankle
His voice wound about my head, through and through my ears and quickly beating
Red chambers that remembered him clearly.
He made to move my feet towards the waves and then the bottom
Where I could die in the spinning romance I had procured in day dream’s wishful thinking
But fly to the sand
My fingers to the grain like a starfish
The voice comes back only when I am happy
The voice pleads with the beauty of poetry
My weak spot
I have gone under
Before, but, no
I am happy. I am happy. I am happy. I am happy.
The voice resigns…
To another fluid female!
The shore keeps me.
It’s like what? ‘Cause that way I can I’m so good at this this morning me being nervous just make sure everyone knows at twenty minutes exactly If everyone has it written out slipping on statistics shooshshooshshoosh Oh! beepbeepbeepbeep that’s what you’re gambling Sam! What’s up? I’ll see you on Tuesday! Bye Tall Cinnamon Dolce Latte but I had see if somebody wants just fucking take my name off the truck pretty much are you? Mocha Grande whip? beepbeepbeepbeep veurrveurrveurr peace okay? I can hook you up
shooshshooshshoosh
